How to Recognize and Release Toxic and Soul Sucking Relationships

How to Recognize and Release Toxic and Soul Sucking Relationships

Hi, Beauties!

Have you ever struggled with figuring out how to recognize and release toxic and soul-sucking relationships?

If you’ve ever had a close relationship with someone, whether it’s your best friend, significant other, a fiancé or a business partner you swore up and down would be in your life forever. Then, for one reason or another, things suddenly change. They start treating you like crap, they constantly belittle you, they passive-aggressively undermine your judgments and choices or better yet, if it’s a significant other, one day out of the blue, they may sit you down and tell you that they’re no longer in love with you.

 

(It’s important to note here that they never loved you in the first place. Love doesn’t work that way. Love is everlasting. In this case, chances are they never learned how to love themselves, so how could they possibly show you the love you deserve?)

 

If you can relate to any of these scenarios, chances are you started to feel yourself building a high wall of resentment and anger towards that person. If this is your truth, you’ll totally get what I have to say next.

 

Too often I’ve been faced with the challenge of knowing how and when to dive into the muddy waters of toxic and soul-sucking relationships to release them from my life. What gives me strength, is the knowledge that everything that shows up in my life is there to help me grown into a better version of myself.

 

Relationships can sometimes be super tricky, especially when we place unrealistic expectations on them and on each other.

 

 

Generally, people can NEVER live up to the ideas we’ve created in our heads around how they should act and be with us. For example, when one of your closest friends refuse to support you (let’s say) during one of the toughest life transitions you’ve had to overcome. They even go as far as to stop all communications with you or choose to trash talk you to the rest of your gal pals. I know that sometimes our natural egoic instinct is to get mad as hell and seek revenge, or better yet, to permanently and harshly cut them out of your life. You might even pray to the heavens to send you some superpower so you can use it to zap them into the next galaxy. As entertaining as that may sound, it’s never the answer, nor is it the high and enlightened road we want to travel down.

 

Instead, thank them, because they have put you in a position that will allow you to show up for your own healing, growth and self-compassion. Sometimes, we choose to rely too heavily on the misguided suggestions and advice everyone else seems to have loaded, cocked, and ready to shoot at us about how we should be living our own lives or how to heal through our own pains. Sometimes, it’s best to let go and “go within, to be without” first. Meaning, turn the lens around on yourself. This is your best opportunity to sit and have a heart to heart with the divine and your soul. In this unbiased quietness, you will be better able to hear the message that your soul is so in need of hearing.

 

As lightworkers, our jobs are to constantly work to become the best versions of our old selves. This way we can help others to do the same for themselves and for others.

 

By no means am I a relationship expert like these five authors,
Dale Carnegie        John Gray             Steve Harvey    Matthew Hussey     Sherry Argov
                                     

 

(Yup! I’ve read all five books and they are educational, entertaining and enlightening – well worth the read), but I can offer what I’ve learnt from my personal experiences and what others have shared with me.

 

Relationships should never be about judgment nor should they be selfishly focused and one-sided. Many people in life will call themselves a ‘true friend’, a ‘real lover’ etc., but their actions will speak louder than their words. No relationship should ever have you feeling under supported, unappreciated or a lack of love, not even if you are normally the one with all the insightful advice to offer. Honour yourselves in the most positive and uplifting way by not allowing anyone to take advantage of you.

 

If we recognize that we’re the creators of our own personal universe and are the only ones who are truly capable of providing the best care to ourselves, then why wait? Start to honour your higher consciousness now! This will elevate your self-worth and expectations to a degree that will only bring you loads of blessings and positive results. If something or someone in your life isn’t working, such as people, situations, etc. change them or it! When you don’t do this, you are only creating the never-ending cycle of insanity – insanity defined is, “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Food for thought!

 

You can recognize a toxic and soul-sucking relationship by the level of discomfort you feel when you are around that particular person or people.

You feel like you are not able to be your authentic self around them in either a group setting or just with them and you in an intimate setting.

You feel drained and tired during and after you’ve spent some time with them.

You feel dark and empty after a meeting up with them.

You feel sad and under supported after you’ve spent some time with them.

 

You can adapt a powerful practice of writing your thoughts and feeling down

The practice of writing your thoughts and feelings down will help you to release any form of toxic and soul-sucking relationships out of your life. The best thing you can do when you are feeling low is, to see the hurt and betrayal as an enormous blessing, start looking at your own self in all situations instead of passing the blame on to the other person, you’re doing yourself a huge injustice when you do this. Whenever we blame someone else for our pain and disappointments we are refusing to take any responsibility for our part in that particular situation, which is very damaging because we are missing the lesson. If we miss the lesson the first time, it will definitely come back around, but the next time it may come bigger and possibly with more pain. Now, I know you don’t want that. Take it from me, It’s way less painful to learn the lesson you’re meant to learn the first time around.

 

The process of Journaling gives us a blank space to practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Research shows that self-compassion focus on self-acceptance, which allows us to be our own motivator and supporter when we apply nurturing words to uplift ourselves.

 

With self-compassion you effectively learn how to accept yourself as the light of love that you are, you learn how to exercise compassion, kindness and love even when life seems to send imperfections and pain your way. But most importantly you don’t look for your, self-worth, self-love and acceptance in no one but yourself.

 

Reflective & Self-Compassion Journaling

In this exercise, you’re asked to allow yourself to dive deep within to explore what emotions have troubled you the most when it comes to dealing with past challenging relationships. Write down your thoughts and what you are NOW feeling when you think back on them.

 

Each day, think of your top 3 challenges that are affecting your life negatively, then write them down. Write down your deepest feelings about each of your challenging relationships. You must commit to completing this exercise every day for 20 – 45 minutes. Happiness research suggests that taking part in an exercise of this nature can increase happiness, eliminate depression and anxiety symptoms, strengthen your immune system, and improve your ability to work and do well within a group setting.

 

Requirements:

A quiet space free from distraction

 Click to Download and Print The 2 FREE Printable I’ve created for you to jot down your thoughts. Be sure to keep it close by.

Journal Template Free downloable

Journal Template Free downloable2

 

 

 

 

 

 

A pen

Put aside about 20 – 45 minutes out of your day for seven straight days. You can extend this exercise longer if you feel called to do so.

 

When you are writing, sit in a quiet place and allow yourself to really let go. This way, you’ll be better able to explore the incident or event and see a clear picture of how it has affected your life. Often time, when we sit to do this exercise, we are able to go all the way back to our childhood experiences and sometimes tie them to our current issues and challenges. In most cases though, we see the correlation based on our past and current relationships and life events, some with our parents, school friends, family members, work colleagues and romantic partners.

 

Writing Rules and Tips:

 

Find a place where you can sit and enter into uninterrupted self-reflective state for 20-45 minutes, then start to write.

 

No need to worry about spelling, grammar or punctuation here. In this process you are writing only for your own eyes.

 

Now you can begin…

Optional step:

After you’ve completed the first part of this assignment, you can move on to complete the second part, which is purely optional. Use the second downloadable sheet to write from the perspective of the person you were in a relationship with that caused you some form of  stress or challenge.

 

Thank you for  stopping by. I am deeply grateful to you all. If you have some helpful tips that can help someone who is struggling to recognize and release a toxic and soul sucking relationships, please leave a comment below. You never know who you might touch with your kindness today.

Also, please share this with your tribe and love ones. It might be just the right information they need to hear to start creating a healthy, wealthy and happy Life!

Never forget, you’re here to enhance the world with your light, love, and joy, so go out and brighten someone’s world today.

With a heart full of love and tons of gratitude!

See you next week,

Kerry's-Vector-Signiture

 

 

 

 

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Comments 4

  1. Meaghan
    April 6, 2016

    Oh I needed this right now! Struggling with a very toxic relationship in my life. I’ll be bookmarking this!

    1. gplus-profile-picture
      April 6, 2016

      Meaghan,
      I’m so happy you’ve found some value in this post!
      I promise you that your life will feel more at peace and in balance after you’ve removed yourself from that toxic relationship. Remember, the lesson within the pain is the most important part of your healing.

      With lots of love.
      xo

  2. Kristina Dowler
    April 6, 2016

    AHHH. So what I needed to hear this morning! Great ideas on how to deal with these relationships too. Thank you so much!

    1. gplus-profile-picture
      April 6, 2016

      Hi Kristina!
      I’m so glad you enjoyed it! You are very welcome.
      xo

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